Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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