My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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