Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
