I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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