forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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