Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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