Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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