the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
