I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat