Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.