I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba