dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.