Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
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onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.