Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick