I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?