the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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