I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
