I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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