Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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