Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize