I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
