Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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