She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
