If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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