she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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