i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
