Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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