I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
