3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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