things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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