just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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