oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
