If that was your dad, he is hot
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
