Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
