I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
