i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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