two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
