I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
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Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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