idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
