I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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