Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
