You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
