She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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