Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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