He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He felt like a one man threesome
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
