I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
