Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
