i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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