ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
