I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We have so much sex to catch up on
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
