Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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