Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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