I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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