and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I love you. Go after that dick
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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