whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
