I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
