upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
