hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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