in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
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and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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