Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
