I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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