so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
